Last week JP went for his first real hair cut. Up until now I have just wrestled with him and a pair of scissors. I actually don't mind his hair a little longer but it gets old having to cut it every few weeks. We tried shears at home and he DID NOT like the noise.
Well, I decided that this was a milestone for him when he turned 5. We took him a few days before his fifth birthday to watch Daddy and Grandpa get their hair cut. I had told him that this is how he had to get his hair cut after he was a big boy of 5 years old! I had hoped he would let us get his hair cut that day but no such luck. When I tried to tell him it was his turn he pointed out that was not 5 yet. The kid is too damn smart sometimes! So we didn't push him. I figured that first exposure was a start! That was really all I had planned for that day. I didn't want to get too greedy!
Well, last Monday we decided it was time. I talked it up over the weekend and all day on Monday. He was very nonchalant about it and didn't put up a resistance. When Dad got home from work we all loaded up in the van and headed out. We decided to let JP choose if we ate supper first or got his hair cut. He said hair cut. So we went to get his hair cut. T fell asleep in the van so Dad stayed with him. JP and I marched right in. He walked up to the counter and said, "My name is JP. I am getting a haircut". The girl told us it would be 45 minutes!
I didn't know what to do. JP was psyched up and who knew what it would be like if we came back later. But we decided to eat and come back later. When we returned it was still busy so we tried a different establishment. We walked right in. I debated explaining to them about JP's autism but decided to go with the flow. I did state that it was his first time and that I would be with him. I also explained that he had sensory issues.
I have to say that the gal cutting his hair didn't seem to listen to a word I said. She kept telling him to hold still. She even went so far as to tell him to hold still so she didn't cut his ear off! Can you say MORON! I can't imagine telling any kid that! Let alone my very literal and believing child! Fortunately, JP was more intrigued by the "hmm" of the shears and wasn't really listening to her anyway! I had to hold his head still a few times and lift it up. His neck seemed to shrink down and disappear a lot! But we got through it with NO TEARS! It was so amazing! He whimpered a few times but I talked him through it!
His grandma is going to be upset because she loved his long locks. His teachers didn't even recognize him! He looks so much older now! He came home and stared in the mirror for a good 15 minutes. I'm not sure he has stopped petting himself since the hair cut.
What is your favorite...
COLOR: "I like red from the movie CARS." Any others favorite colors? "I like blue from the movie CARS too". Who is blue? "The King!"
BOOK : "Thunder and Lightning" Why that book? "Because I read it."
MOVIE: "Cars". Do you have any other favorites? "Buzz Lightyear. When the Buzz Lightyear movie is over--we'll eat." (He just come home from preschool. It is noon and lunch time. He did want to watch a movie but I told him he had to help me answer questions about JP on the computer. And then we would eat lunch. So much for that distraction!) He actually has really only been interested in CARS, Toy Story, and Toy Story 2 this month. However this month was the first time he asked to watch Toy Story 2. He'd watched it before but had limited interest--even though he was already a huge fan of the original Toy Story.
FOOD: "Cars fruit snacks." Any others? "Yeah, a cake." What kind of cake? "Strawberry cake." (we recently tried some strawberry twinkies). He doesn't seem interested in some of his favorites of the past. Doesn't eat Ramen noodles or Mac-n-cheese well. Also not big on his grilled cheese. Of course he still loves apples and oranges so I won't complain. But it is getting hard to find items of substance that he likes. He is still not a fan of meat.
DRINK: "Lemonade". What kind of lemonade? "Yellow and green Lemonade." Do you like pink lemonade. Uh huh! (I've never heard "uh huh" before!!!)
TOY: "The control Lightning McQueen." Any others? "The Sally control." Anything else? "The Mator Control." What about Buzz? "That's the one!" Do you like Buzz and Woody or Lightning McQueen the best? "I like Lightning McQueen the best." He actually spends most of his time with McQueen but has recently become attached to Buzz and Woody again. Other activites have been minimal. He has asked a few times to play "The Deciders". This is an educational video game on his computer. Trains are still in the periphery but we haven't had to have any train tracks out in the middle of our rooms!! That has been wonderful!
LETTER: "A"
NUMBER: "1"
SONG: "The race kachow song from Lightning McQueen." (Damn, I still haven't figured that one out.) When does McQueen sing that song? "McQueen doesn't sing that song." Who does sing that song? "The radio." Who sings it on the radio? "One car." Do they sing that song in the movie? "Yeah." Where do they sing that song? During the race? "Yes." Or in radiator springs? "Yes."
My additions:
(big sigh) JP has been very assertive that he won't do things. We are working on keeping that feeling of independence but also realizing that when a teacher or parents says to do something--he must do it! Along with this battle has come some aggressive behaviors that I have never seen before. He is still a sweet gentle soul 90% of the time.
Biggest stims - chewing fingernails, rubbing his hair(after getting his new haircut). A lot of Buzz Lightyear scripting. Some McQueen talk as well. A lot of cars racing around race tracks and losing control around the third curve. A lot of turning left to turn right (spin out control on dirt track). A LOT OF BLOWN TIRES! A lot of "To Infinity and Beyond".
Bed time books:
FOOD: Bread, fruit cups, bananas, cinnamon toast, pasta, hot dogs, chicken fingers, cheese. He loves the Hamburger Helper Cheesy Beef Taco single servings. He eats the whole thing which is fine with JP as he doesn't like it. Anything with a spoon or fork. IT IS ALL ABOUT THE MESS! Not sure much of the "sauces" get in the tummy!
DRINK: This really depends on his mood. Still prefers milk from the bottle but is doing better taking from a sippy cup. I am still giving him a bottle at nap and bedtime. He recently discovered orange juice!
MOVIES: Anything Baby Einstein.
TOYS: ( I use that word loosely)
Basically his favorite toys are anything that he shouldn't have. He is continuously getting the syrup out of the pantry and the mustard out of the refrigerator. (Why those I wonder?) He loves the plunger from the bathroom. (Gross!) Real phones are fascinating! The toy phones don't fool him. The broom. (This isn't so bad because he can help clean up after his messy meals!) My computer! He loves the mouse and the key board. (I've had to reboot quite a few times! ) Some other favorites are the toilet paper roll, my water glass, the TV remote controls, the blinds, the trash can, items plugged into the wall - specifically to the phone charger, the camera. Essentially anything he can get his hands on during the one second we stop hovering over him. And believe me he is FAST!
The truly adorable (and frustrating) thing is that he knows when he is doing something he shouldn't. If I so much as utter his name he takes off running with the particular item. And recently has taken to shaking his finger when you say no. I must add that this is not how I tell him "no" but rather him applying the "no silly monkey's jumping on the bed" song to his current predicament! (I have to admit the fact that he has generalized helps Mommy keep her Autism magnifying glass put away.)
BOOKS:
He really isn't into books right now. (He can't sit still long enough.) We still read but he isn't expressing any favorites.
WORDS/ACTIONS:
(against my better judgement I will include these...I'll try not to over analyze)
Daddy, BaBa (bottle), All done, ball, I did it!, Mama, Baby, straw, head, puppy/dog,
go (We say "ready, set" and he says "go"), Three (We say "one, two" and he says "three")
Bye Bye (with a finger wiggle wave), Burp game (pretends to burb and cover his mouth), peek a boo, noisy/sloppy kisses, blows noisy kisses, touches head during "monkey jumping on the bed", wags finger no during the "no jumping on the bed" part.
Will grab your nose if you say nose. Actually gets quite a grip on it too. Poor JP!
Will pounce on JP if we say "Dog Pile".
Will head to the stairs if you say it is time for a bath.
Will head to the refrigerator if you ask if he wants milk.
Will wave bye bye if you start to get out the coats.
Will bring food from the pantry to Mom. Usually goldfish or fruit snacks.
Will put toys in your hand if he needs help getting them to work.
Will run from you (with the naughty item) when you tell him no.
Reportedly heard but unverified: car, duck, cup, bath, nose, juice, fish, JP
It was bedtime.
A little voice rang out, "Mom, have you seen Buzz?". The words were very clear and articulate. The voice belonged to JP but the words belong to Andy. We had watched Toy Story a few hours before.
Dad and I looked at each other and acknowledged that this was the first time in months that Lightning McQueen did not go to bed with JP. Changes were afoot!
But it turns out that we couldn't go to bed until we found Woody as well. After a thorough search of the toy room, father, son, Buzz and Woody ascended to the bedroom.
However, Woody only made it through the door. This is where JP felt Woody needed to get his good night sleep. 
Atleast Andy put him in a nice cozy toy box when he kicked Woody to the curb! But JP doesn't have a toy box so he had to settle with his makeshift toy box/trash can.
Buzz was awarded the treasured cuddle spot in bed next to JP.
Poor Woody! Buzz steals all of his happiness! And now Buzz is taking over Woody's spot in Andy/JP's heart. How is a cowboy supposed to compete with a space ranger!
-----------
6am. JP crawled in bed with us earlier than usual. I smiled when I noticed that he had brought Woody along with him. Dad headed off to work and JP, Woody and I snuggled until the alarm went off. That is when I noticed that Buzz had not made the journey to our bedroom.
Buzz was all alone on JP's bed.
Don't get me wrong, Buzz is a good guy but I couldn't help but cheer for Woody!
JP's catch phrase for the past few weeks has been good for my ego. Not only am I a great thinker but it helps smooth out some of his new stabs at independence when it comes to compliance.
Mom: "JP, why don't you get your pajamas and I'll get some some juice."
JP: "Good thinking, Mommy! That's a wonderful idea!"
If only ALL my ideas were received this well!
COMPLIANCE
1 a : the act or process of complying to a desire, demand, proposal, or regimen or to coercion b : conformity in fulfilling official requirements
2 : a disposition to yield to others
3 : the ability of an object to yield elastically when a force is applied : FLEXIBILITY
I remember over 2 years ago meeting with a psychologist who was helping us get started on a home program for JP. He was 3 at the time. We expressed one of our top goals as potty training. She gingerly led us toward a more appropriate goal of compliance. And she was right...he's not going to use the toilet unless he will sit on the toilet when we ask him. This made sense and I do feel like we have made good strides on compliance. Even enough that we did eventually get him toilet trained!
Most of the time he will do what we ask. He has actually earned a reputation as being a very polite little boy because he does do what is asked. But, recently he has discovered the power of "No!". I think I hear "no" atleast 999 times a day.
"JP, do you want yogurt?"
"No! (long pause) Can I have yogurt, please"
Just about every therapy we have right now is working on helping him verbalize for himself when he gets angry. He is learning to stand up for himself when others take his toys. He is doing very well. Correction, was. Now he is going over the top and getting very angry when he doesn't get what he wants. Perhaps he is realizing his power to not comply and liking the feeling of control that comes with that. Perhaps we are pushing too hard?
He had a meltdown yesterday morning at school. Because we need this in check (especially for next year), he earned his first time out at school.
In the afternoon, while at speech preschool, he had one of his best days of attending and participating. Then he had the meltdown of all meltdowns. I was there to watch this one. It was painful. I missed the preceding seconds so I can't completely identify the cause but they were playing with the parachute as a group. He is still pretty uncomfortable of the sensory aspect of all the shaking and wild movements of all the kids.
His therapists and I have talked about pushing him through his anxiety. Most of the time it has worked. But I imagine that this is what triggered his reaction. She coerced him to step under the parachute and HE PUSHED AND FLAILED AND KICKED! A little boy appeared that I have never seen before.
So here we are more than 2 years later back where we started. Compliance. I have to wonder if this will always be on top of our list. I imagine that every time his world gets shaken up, this will be his control mechanism. Key word = Control.
As exhausted as this makes me feel, I find myself wondering how different is this from any other 5 year old? But it still isn't the same. That other child can talk about it and explain their feelings. My child can't. That child can learn from the experience and move on. For JP, we have to read his mind and give him the words so that he can learn from it and move on. But I am not a mind reader and they left that out of my parent manual.
